Marriage is a whole new ball game, and we didn’t know how much we didn’t know until we read these books on marriage, sex, and communication.
*this post contains affiliate links, clicking through helps support this blog, with no added cost to you! Thank you!*
We were SO blessed when we first got engaged to have friends and family who broke the “awkward” barrier and talked to my husband-to-be and me about the basics of being newly married. We were told all about having sex for the first time, we were told about what love languages were, we were taught how to recognize each other’s strengths and more.
Here, I’ve broken down the best resources we have had from the beginning, and even three years into our marriage, that have helped us through rocky roads of communication, knowing how to be more present for one another intimately, and how to see each other’s point of view better in the day-to-day life. In order of most recently newlywed, to well seasoned:
The Five Love Languages: This is probably the most recommended book out there for good reason and for a great price. Finding your love language will be the most simple thing you can do in your marriage, so don’t make it complicated and just do it. It will be worth it in those times when you and your spouse feel SO opposite from one another to find your common ground and understand where one another is coming from when you’re having a hard time communicating. Also, you will be able to show affection VERY easily once you know the secret of this love language communication…
Strengths Finder: This book was gifted to us by my dad, a man who is BIG into books and finding yourself by losing yourself in a book. So he sat us down, at dinner in a restaurant, and gave us both a copy of this book to read through and find our strengths. Then, once we knew our strengths, we were to share them with one another and grow together. This book is the deeper test of your “language”, not just in love but in life itself.
RELATED: 4 Things We Learned From Marriage Counseling.
And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening marriage through sexual fulfillment… Basically, the sex talk in a book, but anything your parents left out about actually feeling PLEASURE with your spouse. This is a very sophisticated, well-written book about how to let your spouse in fully, whether you are a virgin or have had intimacy outside the bounds of marriage. I especially benefited from the “Good Girl Syndrome” chapter, that breaks down how a woman who has seen other women as sex objects on the regular in our day and age can feel like she is bad and dirty if she is feeling pleasure during sex with her husband. Something we as women should NOT be ashamed of at all!! It’s just a good read, I’d recommend it to everyone getting married for the first time, or even seasoned relationships who need help communicating in this category.
What Can I Do About Me: This book will be the bravest piece of literature you may ever read. Even if you’re husband doesn’t have a Pornography or Sex addiction, you can learn from Rhyll and her story. This book is a one of recovery from being blinded by your husband’s faults, sins or addictions, so much that you can’t see it eats away at yourself more than anything. I walked away with resources and actions to instill in the daily life that made me realize… I don’t need control. I don’t WANT control. I just need and want peace in my own being. Rhyll will help you see how your own actions are all you can and need to be happy, and not to rely on your spouse for such happiness, but to share in inter-dependent happiness together.
This list is ever growing, and we also read the Book of Mormon (we’re LDS and proud of it!) and pray daily with one another to keep our marriage centered and strong. There have also been great podcast resources always available like MendOurMarriage.com which is my absolute favorite.
Ultimately, don’t be afraid to keep on learning in your marriage, from the very start don’t think the courting and getting to know each other stages are over but have just begun! Life can be such a beautiful journey together, don’t get down or let it become a mundane day-to-day. Live and learn and love together.
